presence is balance

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I had my final teacher training this weekend.  WOW.. I feel like the 8 weekends went by in the blink of an eye.   So many  things struck me as aha moments this weekend.  When I think about it though, it all boils down to one simple, yet extremely difficult task… being present.  I am sure most of you are like me and are off and running in your head most days.  “do I look fat? , I can’t believe I said that!, What if so and so doesn’t like me anymore?,,What if I fail at such and such..”  The dialogue is endless and exhausting.  I learned this really well yesterday.

Before our actual training each day, we take an hour and half class.  I was really able to “be present” for a majority of the class that morning.  It was great!  I felt focused and calm.  Confident and balanced.  I was connected with the movement and my breath in a way  I don’t think has ever happened before.  Then the afternoon came.  It was our last day.   Most of us thought it would be easy, more of a party than anything.  So trust me, when they said we were going to teach a 1.5 hour class …3 min per student I got up in my head so fast I am sure others could hear it spinning!

How it went was like this.  They had one student start the class, then every 3 or so minutes call another name randomly and have that person get up and continue on for the next few minutes etc etc.  This was a night mare come true for me.  Not only did I have to get up in front of my peers, but  I didn’t know when or what my part was going to be!  So as you might have guessed, I basically missed the whole teaching until after my 3 minutes was up.  He finally called my name almost an hour into it.  By then I was SO exhausted from trying to be ready and not make a mistake and be perfect while up there.  When my 3 minutes was up and I got back on my mat I literally felt whipped.  I had spent so much mental energy in that last hour that I had literally  missed it. I realized, I spend ALOT of time up in my head.. and missing many moments of my day.   It was huge, being able to compare the 2 classes that day (the morning, grounded and focused, the afternoon, scattered and flighty.) and see what a tremendous difference presence makes on so many levels.  It was a HUGE drain on my energy being so not present.

My intention is going to be to try and be more aware of where my head is at day to day.  I want to be present to all the good and bad and deal with it as it comes, not be preparing for a battle in my brain that may never come and in the meantime miss the funny, grounding real moments any more!   I realize this could be a very long journey, and that is okay.. if each day I can catch myself just once more than I did the day before it will all add up.. into some real moments, present moments.. life moments.

 

 

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About livingfrombalance

I am someone who strives daily for balance in her life. I believe in living a wholistic moderate way. I love eating well, yoga, good wine, books, laughing...the list goes on. I want to share with who ever will listen the knowledge I have collected thru the years my journey with balance!

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