it’s all about trusting the process

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I spent the last weekend at a yoga workshop at Kripalu in Massachusetts.  For those of you that don’t know, Kripalu is a large retreat facility that has tons of great workshops all the time with amazing teachers and people from all over the country and world.  Top names in most fields come there to share their wisdom.  It is an old monastery building so the rooms are really basic, dorm rooms.  The food is amazing, but it is in a very basic room, served cafeteria style.  What is great about this is because the accommodations are kept so minimal they can afford to offer these amazing teachings at reasonable prices to people like you and me that can not afford to go to some super expensive fancy retreat in Costa Rica or wherever..

SO, I had developed quite a crush on an instructor from NYC.  Her name is Elena Brower and she teaches Anusara style yoga.  She is 40 years old and beautiful in that glowy kind of way.  For a petite soft spoken woman her presence is quite large.  The class held 80 of us and she managed to make each one feel like she had come just to meet us.  The work shop totaled about 9 hours from  Friday night to Sunday at 11:30.  We had some amazing discussions, lots of yoga and lots of time in between to digest all that we were taking in.  The great thing for me was I had a friend from my town there the same weekend assisting a different workshop.  We shared a room.  Because the timing of our workshops was quite different, we didn’t see a whole lot of each other, but when we did we were able to share and bounce off each other things we were learning.  The first night we were to write in our journal the answer to the question “why are we here?”

My answer to that question was I want to become grounded in who I am and stop feeling like a fraud.  I find myself censoring the parts of myself that I share with people for fear of ridicule.  I am almost 45 years old and feel I should be way beyond that, but I think because I have not fully accepted this side of myself I don’t think others will either.  I have felt you either are a “yogi tree hugger type” or not.  I haven’t let myself believe that I can be me, a mom, hairstylist, girlfriend, lover of wine and coffee can also have a spiritual side and a yogic side .  Through the whole weekend and the journaling, meditations, and long held often frustrating yoga sequencing I realized that I can be whomever I choose and that I should take pride in that fact.  That I need to TRUST THE PROCESS of what is coming up and know that everything truly happens for a reason.  That when I censor myself I am trying to control another’s reaction.  That it is none of my business what someone else thinks or is ready to accept.  That is their place at this time in the world.  My place is to shine as brightly as I can and be who I am as fully as possible.  Everyone may not like it, that is okay.  Telling the truth, being authentic and TRUSTING THE PROCESS have faith that all will be (and is already) fine.

My favorite line from the weekend, (besides “TRUST THE PROCESS”) was “form an alliance” with yourself.  Anyone who has watched survivor knows that line!  How cool to do that with your own sweet self??  I had never even thought of that!  By forming an alliance, I am actually there for myself, grounded and trusting in that…

Besides the amazing food, the learning and leaning into my true self, I have to say my other “aha” moment was meeting my yoga crush and realizing she is truly just a person.. like you .. like me.   Yes she has the super sweet life as a “celebrity yoga teacher” and gets to travel and be paid to do what I love, but she has also worked super hard to get to that point and spends AMAZING amounts of time on this subject excavating every nook and cranny for further truth.  I used to be envious of her path, but now I see that it is her path, not mine.  I will always admire her knowledge and depth,  but I have been able to take her down off the pedestal that I had placed her on and see she is like us all, on a path, doing the best she can.  I can know rest assured that I am on MY path and if I continue to go forward, “TRUSTING THE PROCESS”  it will unfold as it is supposed to…

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About livingfrombalance

I am someone who strives daily for balance in her life. I believe in living a wholistic moderate way. I love eating well, yoga, good wine, books, laughing...the list goes on. I want to share with who ever will listen the knowledge I have collected thru the years my journey with balance!

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