I have been noticing lately that I am addicted to appointments. First, I work in an appointment based business. So my work days are all about how many appointments I have booked, am I running on time? Is the person going to show up on time etc.
I have also noticed that I have started booking appointments for myself on my days off.. every week. Sometimes more than one a day. Some are fun appointments (nails) some are not (doctor). The common theme with all these is that it keeps me constantly in a state of performing.. having to get up early to do my exercise etc so I can get done what I need to before and in between any and all appointments. This has brought me to a state of exhaustion. So I decided, on October 1st, that I was going to give myself a challenge to have as few appointments as possible for this month. Only appointments that were necessary got to stay on the docket. Any others had to go.
Today was the first day I have had off in I don’t know how long that I had NOTHING booked. When I went to bed I did not turn my alarm on, figuring I had no where to be when I got up. The day started with me sleeping 1.5 hours longer than usual. This created a small tremor of anxiety in my belly.. feeling like I was behind the 8 ball. I knew that was my head/ego trying to mess with me, so I created the mantra : “I have the whole day and nowhere I need to be.” So after doing my morning coffee, computer thing it was time to exercise. Going with my new way of listening to body I decided to walk instead of run. Then I did a much slower yoga instead of powering thru a vinyasa class. Again..the anxiety kept trying to rear its head.. I told it to hush.. tomorrow I could go back to pushing thru.. today I wanted to soften.
After my exercise I ran a couple errands. Grocery store, TJMAXX and Co-op. I tend to get impatient in these places if I have to wait in line. So each place as I entered I said to myself “just soften around whatever happens in here.. I have nowhere I have to go after this, nowhere to be”. Right away I was tested at the grocery store as the computer kept screwing up and I had to re enter my cc. three times.. but I kept taking a breath and saying that it was okay. It was amazing.. being aware of how my body was feeling if I was listening to my head telling it to hurry or if I was listening to my body and kept telling my head to soften around what was happening.
After, the errands I came home, made lunch and I had planned to write this post earlier, but my body told me I should lay down and take a nap. I did lay down, wasn’t able to sleep due to the lawn mower man coming for 3 hours in the neighborhood…but I did feel my body relax and get more rest.
I still hear the little gremlin of anxiety trying to tell me I should be doing more today,, isn’t there somewhere I have to be?? I say “shhhhh I am exactly where I am supposed to be..” It’s now 3 oclock EST. A part of me feels like I have done nothing productive today.. but a big part of me nows that some healing has occurred and that is more productive than any appointment!
Do you ever take a day to listen to what your body wants instead of what your head/ego needs to feel good?